Michael Basham wins. By a long shot.
One of my husband’s best friends from college is dying. To put it bluntly.
His name is Michael, and he has peritoneal cancer — cancer of the stomach lining.
I tend to “stay out of the weeds” emotionally with the dying. I couldn’t serve effectively as a death doula if I felt all the feelings. It’s kinda my job NOT to melt with grief, right? I can’t help you if I’m experiencing heartbreak right along with you.
But recent news about Michael’s journey made me cry. A puddle of big, hot, rolling tears. His words made me do it! And his giant, wise, and tender heart, which I experienced the moment I met him 20+ years ago and have been a raving fan of ever since. He is hands-down the kindest of my husband’s college friends. Like I told him, “You win, Michael. By a long shot.” (Sorry-not-sorry to the rest of you Rolla guys! Michael takes the cake.)
Now, I want YOU to meet him. And I want YOU to read his words. They are for you. They are for everyone. He blessed my sharing of them just this morning while we were texting:
“I’ve been talking to God and she told me the reason I am still alive is to have conversations with friends who need to hear my message for them. So thank you for sharing my statement as it’s meant to share and help people love and forgive themselves and start the healing process.”
So please, indulge yourself in this good read (and in a good cry if you’re so moved like I was). And then, please share. Keep sharing — Michael’s words AND your own. This is what life is all about:
"My Last Post" by Michael Basham
May 4, 2024
Hello everyone. This will be my last post. I was recently diagnosed with peritoneal cancer — cancer of the stomach lining — this family of cancers normally has an origin which gives the treatment path as there are some in this family, i.e, ovarian, uterine, stomach, gall bladder, mesothelioma with treatment paths. I unfortunately do not have that and mine is incurable at the moment. I have been in a hospital/outpatient setting for the last few months in Colorado and now at KU Med Cancer Center to be close to family and friends. If you’d like to see me I am in Cambridge Tower A Room 11103 at the main hospital near 39th St and State Line. No worries and no pressure. But if you feel the need or itch to, that is where I am. Technically I thought I died 3 days ago so these are all just bonus moments of presents. If there is one thing I can reach to each of you is the key to life. Love, Kindness, and Exploration.
Love. Love makes the world go round, we all know that. Why isn’t it now? Because most of us are hurt. We have some baggage we cling to of a past that “should have been” but never was, not realizing that is what made you who you are. So any resentment or anger for the past is just the anger for who you are today. The beauty of this one is only you hold the answer and the key to the lock. Let go of the past, which cannot be changed and just allow yourself to love yourself enough to forgive yourself. So just as importantly, you can forgive everyone else for their part as they were just trying to do their best with broken pieces as well. This healing of your heart will allow you to then have true unconditional love and never runs out. If you have a lot of love to give but it seems to run out, your heart is in the right space but there are unresolved conditions of the past. Some examples of those with a good heart are the ones who give of themselves too much. Your unresolved guilt is lack of boundaries for your self-respect.
Kindness. Part 2 is Kindness. Once you have love to give, then give it. Freely. Kindness expects nothing in return vs. being nice which always has expectations. Give Kindness. Freely cause you love yourself and all your flaws and have no encumbrances because you’ve forgiven yourself and any/everyone else.
Exploration. Part 3 is Exploration. Once you have kindness in your heart, explore the past, explore the future, explore the present, explore new places, spaces, learn and continue to grow as a person. Re-learn everything from a different lens of pure love because it’s all magic. I wasted a lot of time when I was young chasing magic moments only, letting all the simple and mundane moments pass me by not realizing. Some of the best bits of life are in the simple and mundane moments. A smile. A laugh. A dew drop. Context is more important here of the who and when and where. So be present for those too.
Give love and kindness freely and you’ll be so surprised how amazing this life really is. Your life is of your condition and you get to choose. Choose wisely. Every moment from now on, you choose the decisions. Everything else is an excuse from the past and have no cross to bear on you gift — the present.
You win, Michael. By a long shot.
I love you.
Thank you.
Amy
P.S. If you are on Facebook, here is a direct link to his post. Feel free to visit him there and leave any comments you want. I know he'd love to hear from anyone and everyone touched by his words.
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